Horoscopes for October 1, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Work what you’ve got – no matter how little it is – and be happy! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You seem to like setting yourself up for failure. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The label says rinse, lather, repeat, not rinse, lather, repeat until all the hot water is gone.  You should really think about how wasteful you are.  Don’t you know that people in Texas haven’t been able to take a shower in months.  You should sacrifice some of that time you spend under the waterfall. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Geronimo!!! Aries (March 21 – April 19) It will become painfully and violently apparent that that quiet girl who always comes into your workplace is the epitome of the phrase “it’s the quiet ones you’ve gotta watch.”    Maybe today would be a good day to use a sick day. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) That little bit of facial hair is starting to become appealing. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) There are two paths in front of you.  You are faced with a choice.  You should choose wisely.  You won’t, but you really should! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) A close friend will reveal a dark secret.  You will burst into uncontrollable laughter and ruin everything.  You will feel bad, but you’ll have some great Facebook fodder. Leo (July 23 – August 22) One of those “artsy” photos you posed for will find it’s way into the public eye.  Lie.  Say that it’s not you! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Sensitivity.  It’s both your strong point and your weak point.  You are sensitive to everyone else’s feelings, but they don’t return the kindness. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The scales of life will crash down on top of you today. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Your cup runneth over in some departments.  Grace and poise under pressure is not one of those departments.  Today will give you the opportunity to prove us wrong. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Queens are in your future.  We’re not sure if that applies to a card game or video poker or your gay brother.  Oh.. did you already know that your brother was gay?  We hope so.]]]]> ]]>