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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for May 6, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  You’ve always been a fan of those cartoons with the super fast bird and the coyote that tries to catch him…  that makes being killed by a gigantic boulder attached to a piece of string ironic and kinda funny. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) If you’re wondering why your skin is turning orange, we would suggest that you stop sitting in your chair eating Cheetos and do something different. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Plan ahead… wear clean underwear! Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will find it hard to tell the hunter from the prey today.  We’re glad to help… the prey is running like crazy and the hunter is carrying a huge knife yelling “GET BACK HERE!” Aries (March 21 – April 19) Ask why.  Seriously.  Anytime anybody asks you to do something ask them why.  It will keep them from asking you for stuff in the future. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Things are changing in your world.  Be careful when going to the bathroom.  The toilet might not be where you expect it and that’ll just be messy! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) We know of at least twelve signs you saw yesterday and you didn’t notice any of them.  Pay closer attention today. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Your stars would like to wish you a very happy day, but wanted you to know that they were taking a day of vacation.  They put a notice up about 8.3 billion years ago in the Glangarok galaxy, but just now realized that humans don’t have access to the Universal Hall of Records. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You will begin to feel pains in your abdomen today.  Don’t worry… it’s one of two things.  It’s probably the alien spawn, but it could just be gas. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will begin to wonder if people who have their nose pierced have difficulty picking their nose. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Never give in to the urge to fight.  You are a runner.  You’ve always been a runner.  Don’t try to change your fate.  It’s pointless. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will notice a link to the amount that you drink and the amount of sleep that you get.   We have to admit that we’re glad that you finally figured out that filling your bladder requires emptying your bladder and causes you to get less sleep.  It took you roughly eight times longer than most people, but we’re proud nonetheless. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Pop bubble wrap today.  It’s extremely satisfying to you and irritating as all get out to everyone around you!  Revenge is sweet!]]]]> ]]>

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