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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for May 28, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  You will discover that love is the compass of life, but your compass always seems to point the way to the nearest hamburger. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Try not to beat yourself up over your failings. After all, there are plenty of people willing to do the job for you. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will have a deja vu feeling all day.Yesterday was good, thought, so there is no use not reliving it. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Though you may never actually find your soulmate in this lifetime, any decent supermarket will provide you with a lifetime supply of Coffee-Mate. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Sometimes, you think that your career stained your soul and destroyed your faith in humanity. However, there is the money. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You’ll no longer wonder if you have what it takes after finding out that it takes a weak will, a pot belly, and a subscription to all of the pay cable channels. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Death will appear before you next week and hint that, though you’re not supposed to die for years, it never hurts to be nice to the man who makes the schedule. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) We’re pretty sure that fortune cookie was wrong about your lucky numbers. Leo (July 23 – August 22) The pride you feel when your superiors choose you as the best man for the job will fade when you discover how much raw sewage the job involves. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) The stars were going to tell you to stop playing your little head games. Then again, that’s how soccer, the world’s most popular sport, was invented. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Take some time out to appreciate all the not-exactly-horrible things in your life Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You tend to fly into a rage over the smallest problems. Fortunately, you’ll encounter only huge disasters today. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You tend to hate and fear that which you do not understand. But since you’re such a big genius, your hatred and fear of soap must come from some other source, Stinky.]]]]> ]]>

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