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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for May 23, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  Your family is going to take you out into a public place and have strangers scream at you and yell the words to happy birthday. You will feel less and want to cry. Be brave and keep up a strong front. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) One pill makes you bigger and one pill makes you smaller. Too bad there isn’t a pill to make everyone else disappear and leave you alone for a change. There are, however, chainsaws. We feel like this could work. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) In our opinion, you should go with plan B. Yeah, we know that it was your second choice, but we just suggested they use a chainsaw. Plan B just makes better sense now. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) When you get tired of running around all day like a mad man, walk. We’ve found it is just as effective. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Studies show that you will be 47.34% more likely to be mistaken for an escaped mental patient today. Have the letter from your doctor handy. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Sooo, we meet again. Prepare for battle. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Mal;kjfa auoij ajviohv ghuhgz vkjbfg zv;h z.f zlih sdkfh 5489 skjhfh shzkhvg. If you have done all of the things that your dream last night told you to do, this should all be crystal clear to you now. You have your orders and know what you must do. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) This is one of those days. Yeah. THOSE days. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Every day that goes by brings you one day closer to fulfilling your dream to travel the country. Jumping from one train to another. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Science has made an amazing breakthrough. You, as hard as it hurts to hear this, are not the center of the universe. We called a therapist to help you deal with this new revelation. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will find yourself sinking deep into quicksand. Don’t ask us how quicksand got under the couch. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Dynamite comes in small packages. Keep this in mind today. You have patted the little guy down the hall on the head one time too many. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Many tiny barbs will make their way into you today. This sounds painful and we won’t  stand for it. The sight of blood makes us queezy, so we’ll sit.]]]]> ]]>

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