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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for May 19, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  You have the overwhelming feeling that this “one year older” crap is for the birds.  You decide that you will now age at the pace of a turtle.  To think that all it took to make that happen was to simply think it.   Imagine the possibilities… all the things that you could do if only you used your brain. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Don’t bother picking your nose hairs today.  There will be a serious lack of return on your investment of shed tears. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) After a nasty bonk on the head, you will be convinced that you are a Calvin Klein model.  Make sure you’re wearing clean underwear. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Your day will feel like one long, drawn out country ballad. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Today will be anti-climactic. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your arch-nemesis has declared the truce to be over and will try to kill you 75% more than normal today. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will be like Mother Nature today, but instead of attracting cute woodland creatures, you will be followed by spiders, snakes, alligators and a plethora of creepy crawlies. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) We are withholding your horoscope for the day due to the fact that you are a sickie!  The dog told us what you do when you are all alone. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Expect the unexpected.  This is a test of your imagination.  If something happens that you expected, you did it wrong. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Hey.  You know how cartoon characters always see birdies and / or stars when they get knocked out?  Let us know if that happens in real life!!! Libra (September 23 – October 22) All the planning and scheduling in the world will not make today go together correctly.  Sounds a lot like that puzzle you’ve been working on for the last ten years. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Pick up flowers on your way home.  We know that you don’t know what you did, but she does and that’s what matters.  The flowers will be like throwing an ice cube into a pot of boiling water, but every degree counts! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You will feel like an acclaimed, magnificent piece of art that was painted by Picasso.]]]]> ]]>

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