Horoscopes for March 13, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Too bad somebody already stole one of your hours. That would have been the best part. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Go crazy! Have a big dollop of fudge icing on your burger! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The re-occurring dream you have been having is your subconscious trying to tell you that you are actually trapped in an alternate universe. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) This is your last chance to ride a merry-go-round. A sudden growth spurt will push you over the height limit. Hurry! Find a merry-go-round! Aries (March 21 – April 19) Don’t try anything new today. If you are quiet and keep your head down you may escape without injury. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Stay away from escalators. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) After playing with the kids on the floor you will feel all fuzzy. This means that it is time to vacuum. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Crying doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you a big fat crybaby but not less of a man. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Strange energy will converge on you today. No need to run it wants you and will have you. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will try all day in vain to balance 6 quarters on your nose. You may make it to 4 but 6 is impossible. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Your life’s mission will be to find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Embrace your inner child. Watch cartoon network and eat cereal all day. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We think you should stop doing that thing with your feet. It can’t be healthy.]]]]> ]]>