Horoscopes for January 30, 2011

If today is your birthday: You will look around today and wonder why we are all in a hand basket. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Your glass is neither half full or empty. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You are one of those rare people who can lick their elbow. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) At least you have a Snuggie to cuddle with. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Being fluent in chat speak does not make you bi-lingual. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will suddenly realize that lol does not mean lots of love when you comment on your ailing friends status. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You can not spend ‘Farm Bucks’ at the Farmer’s Market. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Jiggling the sagging skin under your eyes doesn’t help. It’s time for a nap. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You should call in today due to lack of interest. Your boss will completely understand. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Be content to just clap as the queen of everything rides by on her float. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Eating chips, channel surfing, and talking on the phone all at the same time is technically multitasking. You can gloat at your productiveness. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Be aware that someone spilled a huge box of idiot spray near your house. Everyone around you has been infected. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We know what you have been thinking about doing. We, however, think you should run it by a physian first.]]]]> ]]>