If today is your birthday: Every time you hear the word stop, you will think of MC Hammer. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Don’t let life get in the way of your dreams… Go back to sleep! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Today is talk like William Shatner Day. You…. should…. cele….brate. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) To save time today, let’s just assume that your wife is always right. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You don’t have a clear conscious, just a very bad memory. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Laugh maniacally and they think you are insane. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Note to self – taking a nap in that traffic jam… not a good idea. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off. The bill was just too high. Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s not that you need to make better choices, just just need better things to choose from. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Go ahead and attach a warning label to your shirt. It’s going to be that kind of day. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will be successful converting oxygen to carbon dioxide today. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder all day. Brush it off, nobody likes crumbs. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Bored? Spend the day counting mullets.