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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for April 9, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Dance naked in the rain.  The problem that you will find is that the rain is limited to isolated areas and they’re mostly in highly trafficked areas and you’re gonna get laughed at! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Today will be a different sort of Saturday.  You will feel different.  People will dress different.  You will park in a different place.  The store you shop in will be different.  We’re calling this Different Day, but you will still experience the same stuff. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Think about the perfect number.  Keep it in your head.  When someone asks you how you are doing, scream that number as loud as you can.  One of those people will be carrying a prize and you will be rewarded! Pisces (February 19 – March 20) We thought that we ought to tell you that you have a really bad case of eye boogers. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will feel instinctually drawn to the zoo.  This is perfectly normal, because we are all drawn to where we belong! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Powerful winds are blowing.  People will shy away from you because of it! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The woodland creatures are beginning to build something really strange in your back yard.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Today is a perfect day to act like yourself.  Avoid places where there are lots of people.  One of them might call for those “fine young men in those clean white coats” and that’ll be it for you for at least 72 hours. Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s the one on the right.  When will you learn. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will feel the desperate need for a comfort item today.  Just don’t let people see you with your “binky.”  Word travels fast in town! Libra (September 23 – October 22) Aren’t you glad you read yesterday’s horoscope?  It probably saved your life.  That thing could have hit you right between the eyes and you would have never been the wiser.  We know you are grateful… in exchange for your gratitude, throw out all of those traps you set out for our cousins. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will see a guy who looks an awful lot like Danny Trejo while you are out and about today.  We know that you’re a fan and will be tempted to walk up and ask for an autograph, but you should avoid it.  That is NOT Danny Trejo… it’s actually a Colombian national who is seeking asylum in the U.S., but has been denied.  Now he’s looking for hostages to get what he wants. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Clean your shoes.  You weren’t careful enough yesterday.]]]]> ]]>

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